


Kintsugi

by ranguvar82



Series: Silence and Strength [10]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22918066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranguvar82/pseuds/ranguvar82
Summary: Kintsugi: (noun): Japanese tradition of restoring broken pottery using gold.Zophiel's skin had held the stars. Crowley's skin holds only scars.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Silence and Strength [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630903
Comments: 6
Kudos: 181





	Kintsugi

Kintsugi

Zophiel’s skin had held the stars. Crowley’s skin held only scars. When he had Fallen and landed in Hell, his skin burned and bloodied, and caught a glimpse of himself in the burning pool he crawled from, he had nearly gouged out his eyes at the sight. His throat was tattered and torn, black blood oozing, painting him in gored stripes in a grotesque parody of the stars he had created.

He had sat there, blackened wings draped against the burning floor, nearly insane with pain and rage. His nails...his claws came out and he raked them down his arms, grimacing in hate as more blood flowed, gouging holes in what had once been angelic flesh.

‘Aziraphale.’ Claws dug deeper as memories surfaced. ‘Aziraphale, I love you. God, please...if you can still hear me...if I am still in your Favor...please...’ Silence, and Crowley had wept black tar.

Zophiel had been proud of his stars. Crowley had been repulsed by his scars. When he had come to Eden and seen his Love, and his love had not known him, Crowley’s scars had burned and flared. But Aziraphale had not seen the true extension of his scars, hidden as they were by the black robes and a minor miracle. When he had Declared that the demon Crawley was under his Protection to God Herself, Crowley had nearly fallen off Eden’s Wall in relief. For the first time in a very long time, his scars did not burn and throb.

Zophiel’s rapture, joy, euphoria and love was written in his stars. Crowley’s anger, pain, grief and madness was gouged into his scars. When the Flood waters receded, leaving muddy corpses as far as the eye could see, Crawley had sunk to his knees in the morass, black tar tears flowing and yellow eyes dark with maddened grief. His robes were tattered ribbons hanging off his skin, his scars craters in his flesh, and Aziraphale had seen. The look of devastation on his face had nearly destroyed Crawley. “Oh, Crawley…” had his love’s voice ever been so broken, so full of pity? “Why didn’t you...oh, my dear...”

He had reached out to touch, and Crawley leapt back, shaking his head in wild panic. “I...I’m sorry...I should not have...”

‘ _You don’t understand, my love. How could I force the one who traced patterns in my stars to_ _soil himself by touching my burned and blackened scars? How could you even bear to touch the monster I’ve become?_ ’

But oh, how he craved the touch that had once been on his stars to trace those same patterns on his scars. Aziraphale had loved the angelic Zophiel, loved his galaxy eyes and his skin full of stars. There was no way he could love the broken, wretched demon with his yellow eyes and gouged out scars.

‘ _If all I have is silence, then my Angel, my Dove, my own True Love, I shall love you in silence. If all you want is stars, and you cannot bear my scars, I will love you in silence still. Aziraphale, my Mate, my Heart, I can bear all things except to see you part._ ’

Zophiel had danced and Sung among his stars. Crowley shuddered and wept when he beheld his scars. Wretched. Vile. Broken. Mad. Wretched. Vile. Broken. Mad. Wretched… and his mind churns, and he sinks to his knees, claws digging holes, making more scars….

“CROWLEY! STOP!” Aziraphale grabs his hands, pulling them away. Crowley struggles, panting, eyes filled with tears. “Crowley...please...”

Crowley’s panting grows louder, and he fights against Aziraphale, eyes blank. He’s scratching at Aziraphale’s arm, scratching one word over and over.

‘Broken.’

‘Broken.’

‘Broken.’

“Ohh...oh, my love. No. No, my beautiful demon. You are not broken. You are not. You are the most beautiful creature that God ever created. You are my world, my sun, and my Star Maker.”

‘Stars you loved, not scars to hate.’

Aziraphale gently tilts Crowley’s chin so he’s looking into his eyes. “Oh, my Heart, my Silent One, is that what you believe? That because I loved your stars, that I cannot love your scars? You are still the most breathtaking creature. When we Renewed our Bond, I told you I fell in love with you again on Earth, and I spoke the truth. I loved you with your stars and I love you with your scars. I love YOU, my Silent Demon.”

Crowley breaks, and he falls into Aziraphale’s arms, sobbing in relief.


End file.
